boy^confessions

snapshots of an old circus.

2004-12-03T08:31:00.000+08:00

Welcome to my circus, ladies and gents.

2004-11-25T19:30:00.000+08:00

23 years ago, that was me with my mom. I wish early childhood memories were not only present in stale brown photos. I wonder how excited I was to celebrate my very first birthday. The stack of pictures tell me it was one big day for the entire extended family - that momentous November 26, 1982 - the first anniversary of being blessed with the first grandchild, nephew and son of course to my parents.

As years motioned in blur for more than 2 decades, I shouldn't have lost that innocent enthusiasm of having to blow candles on my cake and tie balloon strings around the party place or around my wrist. Then maybe I wouldn't just be looking at birthdays as just a reminding mortality clock ticking one year at a time.

Happy birthday to me. Tick.

of deserved worth and obscure value.

2004-11-13T10:35:00.000+08:00

At ~~Shakey's~~ Pizza Hut, Robinson's Place-Sta. Rosa

Few are the times when you feel so alive; when you can almost hear the soft gush of oxygen air up your nostrils down to your lungs feeding you with sweet life. But in a split second, in your utmost shock and disbelief, a stinky and filthy beetle bug sticks through your nose blocking the passage of sweet air then ever so slowly chokes you to a strenuous and agonizing death.

Poof!

Then you wake up from a nightmare. Then you feel more alive than before.

Taena, ewan. 'La 'wenta.

++++

Wee! I got myself a Kitchie Nadal CD. And boy, I love it. I love her. Let's start with the CD cover. Astig ang cover! The dominant green in the cover's background is my favorite shade of the green called teal: mostly green with a tinge of blue. The total look and feel is so relaxed of course with Kitchie throwing a hey-I'm-fiery-with-what-I-do stare. Gusto ko rin yung kwintas na suot nya.

Flipping through the folded cover, there are the lyrics. To me, it was uniquely presented. Not your typical verse or poem-like format. At a glance, they look like short inscriptions or something written in most likely Kitchie's handwriting (with all the erasures and arrows pointing to supposed next line and little drawings here and there). Plus for the acoustic string buffs, it also has guitar chords on the sides.

Now for the music, which is of course the reason why I bought it. Now didn't I say I love the album? This lady rocks. I didn't know her back in the Mojofly days so I can't take it off my mind that she's a newbie. And what an amazing newbie she is. Her music and her voice remind me of Sarah Mclachlan's with a rockish condiment. The songs can very well serve you when you're all angst-ridden or even when you're nursing a heartbreak. I read somewhere that she's very well in touch with her spirituality, hence one song that shows that side of her. My personal favorites are Same Ground, Drained, Run and Bulong. There are 10 tracks, all in all.

Feels great when your money goes to something really worth the value. Not to mention that it's a lowcost high-quality buy -- 280 bucks at that.

++++

Been a while since the last time I had a date with me (myself and I). And only then that I realized I miss it. Going out alone and splurging a bit serves right as a great, great treat for a yuppie like me.

Last Saturday, I watched The Incredibles. The animation just expelled me away. The forest, the ocean, the hair styles, lupet! I can't help but think of how talented the technical people behind the movie are when a plethora of software engineers and animation artists literally flooded the screen at the end of the movie. The first 30 minutes of the movie was a bit slack, I nearly fell asleep. But towards the middle, it was all wacckky and helluvah fun! I can't quite get fixated on my seat and I'm all smiles at watching like I'm some stupid iced tea model and the white screen being the big camera endlessly shooting for my pictures. Good stress-releaser I must say. Here's to Pixar for more great animated flicks!

75 pesos? Worth it.

++++

The next day, Sunday, I wanted to go out and enjoy the rare chance of having an oncoming workless Monday. But friends are nowhere to be found. So I just resorted to dating myself. I Combo 1ed at Wendy's. The store was almost empty. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon, most people were bumming their time at home I guess. With the company of nothing and no one but cool and hip 88.3 Jam music, calamansi-flavored iced tea and the best fries in the world, I so enjoyed myself. I miss doing that. It was a good chance to ponder on things. A chance I almost lost. Why? Because I did one of the naughtiest things I've ever done, if not THE naughtiest, right there while dining in at Wendy's. At roughly around 4 in the afternoon. Sun-scorching hot outside. Wink@Nerdster.

Good food + cool music + great (and naughty) time = 100 bucks. Money well-spent.

++++

8 days to go before the day my mom stuck her life out to caesarian-ly deliver me to the world.

23 years. Years well-spent? Hay, ewan.

my power animal quips, "slide. and fly."

2004-11-10T18:58:00.000+08:00

Going to Manila from Cagayan de Oro, aboard a plane

Okay, well, this is a tad late post. November 1 was Fight Club holiday to me. Apt enough as it was the death day, the movie killed me. And forever, it has changed me. Definitely the most life-transforming film for me thus far. It's a bible.

What drives me crazy about the movie, aside from the amazingly twisted concept, the ever-impressive Edward Norton and the smart narrative execution, has got to be the screenplay. The kind of dialogue that would make you want to click the pause button (and let the words sink deep into your brain's digestive system and allow the absorption of nutrients send you chills in all your bones and nerves) is unbelievably prominent and plethoric. Credits of course to Chuck Palahniuk (for the novel) and Jim Uhls (for the screenplay).

And all over this blog (in the header and everywhere in the sidebar), by the way, are some of my fave lines from the film.

Next step: Find the book. The movie blew me away. More so the book, I guess. The succeeding questions which Mr. Palahniuk poses are more than enough for me to eat, breathe and live Fight Club.

How much do you honestly know about yourself if you haven't been in a fight?

How much do you know about society if you've never rebelled against it?

And how much do you know about life if you've never had to save it?

no one else has ever shown me how to see the world the way I see it now.

2004-11-09T08:38:00.000+08:00

Nang minsang nag-agaw ang gabi at araw

I stumbled upon this gem of a song last night. Junie, an office friend, DLed it from somewhere. Boy, was it not all over my PC's Winamp and phone's music player all this time? Speechless ako sa kantang 'to. Junie said it's part of Runaway Bride's OST CD. When I Googled it, it happened to be part of Dawson's Creek OST album as well. Yeh, you bet, the song's gotta be cheesy-mushy stuff but heck, it's hitting home!

Now if you'll listen in to my moment's soundtrack, this song's got to be in it.

(I'm sharing the song through YouSendIt, by the way. Click on the title.)

Never Saw Blue Like That
by Shawn Colvin

Today we took a walk
Up the street
We picked a flower
And climbed the hill
Above the lake.

And secret thoughts
Were said aloud
We watched the faces in the clouds
Til the clouds had blown away
And were we ever some where else you know
It's hard to say
And I never saw blue like that before.

Across the sky, around the world
You're giving me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh why, I never saw blue like that

I can’t believe a month ago
I was alone
I didn’t know you
I hadn't seen or heard your name
And even now, I’m so amazed it's like a dream
It's like a rainbow
It's like the rain
And some things are the way they are
And words just can’t explain
And I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky, around the world
You're giving me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now
Oh why, I never saw blue like that before

And it feels like now
And it feels always
And it feels like coming home
I never saw blue like that before

Across the sky, around the world
You're giving me all you have and more
And no one else has ever shown me how
To see the world the way I see it now

Oh why, I never saw blue like that before
Oh why, I never saw blue like that

trickles of rainwater pressed against the tinted glass.

2004-11-04T13:42:00.000+08:00

When the feeling is too deep for tears, you find solace in silence.

How do you make a kite, fly it, tug the string to keep it soaring and actually learn to let go of your firm hold once it's too high up there that it seems to be seeking freedom from you?

How many soulmates does one soul have?

Amazing at how people look for happiness yet end up lonelier and lonelier. I read somewhere that men are really lonely entities. They find companionship once in awhile but still at the finality of it all, he's a lonely being.

Drama is me.

I've a very strong feeling that I am at the verge of an emotional breakdown. The smallest provocation can stir my blood up. Disaster.

I wonder if I should continue reading The Catcher in the Rye lest I tap on undiscovered soils of self-destruct tendencies.

Nah, I'm kidding! Life is good! Yadah yadah yadah...

I never thought complication will find its way to me. Life was simple then.

Love is universal. Pain is universal. Everything is in pair. Ah ewan.

Talk about some non-sensical post. This is!

One more thing though, I'm fine. Thanks to some surprises.

sunday afternoon and latin american movies.

2004-10-28T13:33:00.000+08:00

After what feels like eras ago since the last, I fin'lly got to click open my DVD-ROM and load some long-stacked, oh-well-bootleg-yeah-but-what-the-hell-it-kicks-ass kind of movies. That's all I needed to turn an idly bumming Sunday afternoon into a somewhat orgasmic, well-spent time.

The whole thing turned out to be a Long Live Latin American Filmmaking (or something like that) two-feature festival. Fahrenheit 9/11 was supposed to be included but curse piracy for making poor quality pirated products! My PC won't read the DVD. I had it returned but what they give me as a replacement still doesn't darn work.

So I ended up with, as I've said, two films: the Brazilian Cidade de Deus (City of God) by Katia Lund/Fernando Meirelles and the Mexican El Crimen del Padre Amaro (The Crime of Padre Amaro) by Carlos Carrera.

Here are my takes on 'em. Don't worry, these are spoiler-free munches. Fat-free even.

Cidade, as of this writing, is top 23 of IMDB's Top 250 Movies of All Time and it's been getting rave-oh-rave reviews. These reviews, I thought, live up in soaring heights with where I feasted my eyes on for two hours. I love films that give early generous treat to the audience with its opening. Grandiose, ball-grabbing screen starter. It can be with how they present the cast or how they lay down the foundation of the plot. Cidade's opening owned me with the first scene. Domesticated scenes that was miraculously turned into a chaotic, gripping kickstart. Not to mention, that the look and feel of the setting being introduced felt so Pinoy. With just the first few sequences, the camera was so already everywhere. The filmmakers gave their audience soon enough what they're about to experience. And it's like telling, This is what this stuff is made of, you should know what you're up to! Brave, brave filmmaking.

What you have at the back of your mind after being so absorbed with the movie's appetizers is one thing: consistency. And what the f*ck, Cidade delivered! Hence, the bravery! It was brave for them to give out a fine start to think that no waterfall approach will work; they have to be consistent althrough out. But as I've said, the movie delivers! Unwaveringly. After watching it, I remember what Jessica Zafra said in one of the articles in Twisted 6, Why is it that good movies are always about violence? If not violence, drugs? Cidade is, apparently, about both. Word-deprived, I wonder the same as Ms. Zafra as I stared at the rolling credits on my computer screen.

I temporarily emptied my head about Cidade after watching it; to give way to my next watch. Okay honestly, the very first reason why I bought Padre Amaro was -- need I say it? -- Gael Garcia Bernal. Oh boy! I am yet to see Y Tu Mama Tambien and Amores Perros though. This man really chooses his projects very well. Padre Amaro was no exception. With some flubs like some dragging scenes and predictable turn of events, I still think it's a good drama. Or maybe I'm just partial to this drop-dead hotness called Gael. But what can I do? Can't help it! I can't even give out a decent review of this film as what's in my mind is only Mr. Bernal's luscious screen presence. So before this becomes all too erotic, let's end it here. All I'm saying is that you would want to see this, if not for the dynamic and powerful characters in the movie, then at least just to see Gael bare-chested. Errr.

bloggerblocked and photopixels.

2004-10-23T13:25:00.000+08:00

Blogger's block yeah! So let me just post some of my favorite digital shots long-collecting electronic dusts in the deep and dark recesses of my hard drive. As you probably know, I 'm a frustrated photographer. Oh no let's not call it a frustration. It's something I can still work on developing, right? Besides, for the fact that I take photos as I please I'm sorta kinda photographer na rin. Heck, but I want to make moonah out of it also and I want my photos reach as many eyes as possible. Talk about passions? Oh so very Oprah! Haha.

Okay let's get on with the shots.

Sky shot one noon on my way to munch my lunch.

I fave sky shots. The sky is always diverse, always changing, always leaving you a "feel" that's different from a previous "feel". You get two unique shots by shooting twice from the same angle with, say, 5-minute interval.

A sunset taken from an office window.

Here's another sky shot. When I look at sunset shots, I always find myself losing words. I dream of capturing as much sunset shots as possible. From different places around the globe. Now, traveling across timezones is a different dream altogether.

Tusokeus Plantenera, in other words, plant that is tusok-tusok.

Okay, I made that scientific name up. I don't actually know the name of this plant. It is just so pervasive around the office compound. They look like aloe veras but they're not, I guess.

Caylabne Beach, Cavite

Where we had our summer outing last May. Caylabne is one hell of a captivating looker. But it's one that you can't grab at once and be in bed with easily. The more or less 2-hour trip with 30 minutes of which spent on a very mountainous, cliffy and zigzag setting made Caylabne embody an dropdead hottie imposing his wooers to pay the price of hardwork to deserve him.

There. I wanted to post some more but it will make this post long enough to drag you. So... hmmm.... I dunno how to end this. Uhmmm... oh I got it... this... THE END. Perfect!

ms. morissette once said...

2004-10-22T07:59:00.000+08:00

I, recommend getting your heart trampled on to anyone, yeah
I, recommend walking around naked in your living room, yeah

You live, you learn. You love, you learn.
You cry you learn, you lose you learn
You bleed you learn, you scream you learn

I, recommend biting off more than you can chew to anyone
I, recommend sticking your foot in your mouth at any time

You love. You learn.

---quick--> raodnm t h o u g h t s

2004-10-18T08:05:00.000+08:00

When you wake up 30 minutes late than your usual waking up time on a Monday morning, all you can munch is a quick breakfast. If after a long, tiring party night you still need to come to the office or school the following day, a quick slumber is all you need to withstand the day. When you wake up 30 minutes late on a Monday morning and last night you had a really long party night and you're still going to work or school AND you are horny, you'll grab your mate and run around a quickie.

You wanted to say so many incoherent things about yourself in just one post but you lack the time and the fleeting creativity to pull it off, you just do a quick, random post just like this.

I'm in a badminton craze once and again. Our company's joining this inter-company sort of a sportsfest and I'm playing in. I just got a new pair of Adidas badminton shoes. I've been treating my sneaker badly when I play using it.

I miss watching DVDs. I have City of God and Fahrenheit 9/11 linep up for a spin. Time I need!

It's amazing how you can be happy one second and feel the exact opposite the next and feel nice again later and be sad again not too long after. Cruel cycle of things.

I think I'm getting better with my smashing and dropping skills. What irks me is that the shuttlecock often hit the net when I smash with more force. I dunno. When you thought it will be a score, the stupid shuttle gets trapped by the darn net. Aaarrggh.

No matter how much you tell yourself that happiness is a personal, internal, it's-your-choice thing, you meet people whom you're going to depend your happiness on.

I crush the badminton buddy no more. He's gonna be my doubles partner in the competition though.

I miss my college dorm barkada. Tsk.

I love the Nivea Aftershave Balm. No more nicks after shaving. Teehee.

I'm bookless now. Well not really 'cause I borrowed an office friend's Calvin and Hobbes. It's a comic book about a stubborn but ever-so-witty toddler and his tiger stuff toy that turns to a real tiger when the two are just by themselves. Oh I love Calvin's personality. He's your stubborn kiddo who hates school and taking baths yet he's overflowing with brain and humor no 6-year old will have. And he wants to always be free from the imposing civilization he lives in. He enjoys loitering in the wildnerness, riding his cart off a hill, camping, time travelling (haha) and all those bumming stuff of course with his best buddy Hobbes. I wanna be Calvin when I grow... down!

There's this moneymaking opportunity that's brewing for me. Hmmm, I hope I hope!

I finished the last 200 pages or so of Angels and Demons in one night. Same thing that happened when I read The Da Vinci Code way back.

I want to buy The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill album, dubbed as the best R&B album ever!

Last movie I watched inside the cinemas: The Notebook. I miss the moviehouses! Time I need again!

I can't find a copy of ICON mag. I went to Glorietta last Saturday but I felt like looking for a diamond in a haystack. So, just this morning I asked a friend to buy me one in Filbar's-ATC since Peeju says that according to Angelo ICONs are only distributed to Filbar's for now.

Some thoughts are so bugging my head yesterday night. I entered the church to hear the last mass. I sat on a pew. Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts. Then I stormed out even before the mass began.

There are things so strong they make you weak.

contours.

2004-10-14T08:17:00.000+08:00

I've always shelved posting my feeling-photographer shots here due to the tedious task of cropping, resizing and adjusting the photos I have. Not that I'm well-versed at Adobe Photoshop-ing pictures. My photo editing prowess is only limited to, ermm, well cropping, resizing, mixing brightness and contrast and some click-and-apply effects. In fact, there wasn't much editing done on the pictures below, mostly au naturel.

I enjoy shooting photos. There is ecstasy in capturing moments. Life becomes bigger than itself. The lifeless defies vitality and breathes. This post tries to depict the breathing lifeless.

The photos below were all taken through the digicam built-in with my cellphone. I am yet to get my real digital camera hopefully next year when my finances free up a bit. So here it is my feeling-photographer exhibit I dub as Contours.

will you let me take more than a peek?

2004-10-06T16:25:00.000+08:00

~~The most beautiful thing that ever happened to this unworthy soul.~~

Hey there, stranger!

Peej and I met yesterday at Festival Supermall in Alabang. He sure lives up to his punctuality slogan (written in his friendster profile), albeit he traveled twice as much time as mine. Black polo, orange bag, plastic ng odyssey. That's him.

Chicken in all its incarnations.

We dined in at Max's.

We both love chickens, anything chicken. So he had an idea. Whenever we go out, we would only eat in chicken restaurants or food chains until we've exhausted all of them. Max's. Kenny. KFC. Texas (meron pa daw nito sa Megamall sabi nya!). Popeye's. Anu pa ba?

I saw some college orgmates while we're dined in. Little introductions and there! He said he saw one of them throwing us a curious look. Nyehe.

SH will be very excited to go with you on that concert.

We were a bit late for the show. The Side A concert at Casino Filipino will start in 10 minutes but we were still unsuccessful at finding a cab to take us there. Festival happens to have a taxi request service. So there, they gave us a Revo at first but we transferred to a traditional-looking cab 'cause a 350 was just too soaring high. But then with the next cab, 250 was still pricey.

Anyway, from Muntinlupa we buzzed off to Parañaque on which way Peej noticed 7 (was that 7?) Chowking branches. Anyway, anyway!

We arrived at the casino past 9, with the front act already half their way with their pro-like performances. They happen to be employees of Casino Filipino who do regular gigs in one of their lounges there.

Then Side A silhouetted on the lowly-lit stage. And the woo-hoos began to surface.

After a few medleys when everybody was just beginning to heat up, there was a shaking on the floor. At that instant, it didn't occur to me that there is an earthquake. You see, I haven't really felt an earthquake yet. Never according to my conscious, present-state brain. You'll go, Who wouldn't know about that 1990 killer quake? But I just don't really remember the very moment when all the world around me was quivering then. I was in school then, in class maybe. What my memory quite vividly accounts is the total chaos after the tragedy.

It took me a second or two before it dawned on me that there was an earthquake. Especially when everybody got to their feet and rushed to the stampede. Peej and I stayed on our seats and he said I shouldn't panic. The trembling stopped but some people continued their ways out of the amphitheather possibly expecting an aftershock. Side A, on the other hand, without any tinge of fear in them, continued their rendering of Hands to Heaven. The words apt for the situation... As I watch you move.

The whole fright-factor just made the concert an even more enjoyable and memorable experience. It left me a bit dizzy though.

Gonna teach you places, like that romantic, secluded, grill bar

After the concert, as planned, we headed to Malate. He was my date-cum-tourguide that time of the night. He took me to The District, where he's supposed to take me had we met in Malate last Saturday. It was indeed cozy, conducive to conversations kind of ambience. Fighting off sleepiness and fatigue, we played 21 Questions which didn't really reach 21. 10-12 only, I guess. It got funny to a point that the questions went from weird to errm weirder to weirdest. Hehe. The likes of...

Why do you love chicken?

What are your going-to-bed rituals like?

How are you gonna blog about this date?

Hmmm, weird ba? Oh whatever! I can't remember anymore of them. But nah, there were pretty serious questions din naman. Shawarmas and iced teas kept us company. I found out he's a sucker for kebabs. Teehee.

After our final questions and after exhaustion was seeping in, we called the morning a night already. It was almost 3am then. But just when we thought the long night was over... it wasn't.

So, was that a bye-bye night-night already?

Along Taft, we waited for our bus. Mine arrived after some 15 minutes. As I got in and sitted, I checked the busmates to gather guts to bring out my celfone and beep Peej. Earlier as the bus approached, it was all fast and I wasn't able to say much parting words. So I texted him. He replied. I texted him again about his books I forgot to get from him. No reply. I did not worry 'cause I thought he was just keeping his phone safe in his pocket.

So I spanned the night to Alabang. Half-asleep in the bus, I almost got past the Alabang terminal had it not been for the movements of the people who were also alighting the bus there. In the jeepney on my way to our house, I did not have anymore luck. Lumampas na ko.

Dozed off for the past hour, I was awakened by a call. Surprisingly, because I am not normally roused by a ringing phone especially that I'm puyat. I looked at the phone's screen, squinting my eyes for vision. It was Peej calling. I rattled on my phone and said hello a couple of times without my clicking the answer key. Then the voice in other end cracked open- gasping, fearful and weeping. Peej was mugged. That moment, I lost all suspended sleep in my senses. All I can mutter was Oh my god!

Like him, I have never been held-up. And I could not imagine that happening to me. So I shared his horror of the event. I was guilty. I shouldn't have left him there, I told him. I was there comfortly logging Z's on my bed while he was there running to some bastard cops who chuckles their big abdomens out the moment they heard his cry for help. I was shamefaced. But as he said, there was nothing anymore we can do about it. Good heavens, he's safe. That's enough reason to be thankful.

The following daybreak, I called him (through his landline) to check things with him. There was still a hint of fright in his voice. I so wanted to console him and make him feel even a little better. If I can only take away that fear that bothers him, I will. Cliche yeah, but damn, I mean it!

He's fine now though. You go check out his blog.

Later, our lives are gonna change. I can feel it.

That fateful night! Unbelievable things happened in such a Whew! haste. But like what I said before, it made the entire experience all the more unforgettable. I remember some lines from Angels and Demons that go, when two souls go through a tribulation together both will have some exclusive, indelible spot in each other's hearts already.

(Updated October 11)

malate and its aftermath.

2004-10-04T18:42:00.000+08:00

My Malate devirginization, despite some lameness, was still unforgettable. Who forgets his first time?

I really am not in the mood to write right now so pardon the lack of creativity in the succeeding crap. As I've mentioned in the previous post, there was a party in the office for the company's anniversary. Real, dancing party. So before I even hit Malate I was dripping with sweat. Thank goodness I shook booties in the office celebration 'cos no partying happened to me in the immortal gimmick zone of Manila.

I didn't roll the ball. I mean one of the office friends I'm with, who happen to be a Malate veteran, take the other friend and me to where he thought was fine with us. We were all planning about our possible itinerary on our way there. I even read aloud the guys' suggestions from my celfone. But to no avail, nothing of what was planned happened. Our first and last stop: Comic Lab. Alright, we had a good time. Laughing our asses out. Slurping on our chicken lollipops and SanMigs. But I was waiting for more to come as the night deepens. I don't mean getting laid or what. Just some more than comic entertainment.

We arrived at around 11 and left before 1. The PLU officemate with us has got to hit the sack early for his next day's work. And since I'm a rookie in the league, I can't stay there alone lest I risk getting lost.

This is where Peej comes in the scene. Yeah, I was supposed to hook up with the owner of the Bibe Chronicles. But due to the delayed and misunderstood messages, we didn't get to hang out. He's supposed to tour me around the, as he puts it, most secluded, romantic, secreted places Malate harbors. But we're still gonna do that some other time, right, SH? Here's to homeruns!

So there. Disappointing first time but I had fun. Especially with the blast I had in that comic place. Besides, there will be more next times. And it's bound to get better and better. Ayt, SH?

The hilarity didn't end there.

While in Biñan waiting for a ride to Sta. Rosa, somebody tried to pick me up. Wattafcuk! Time then was almost 2am I guess. 'Twas first time that it happened. I can't shove off the grin on my face. It was a weird moment. He said (the pickupper, hehe) it was the second time he saw me. And confirmed if I live in this and that. Then later, he asked if I don't mind talking to him. Not there but somewhere else. He fears that somebody might see him, he said. So he crossed the street. Like I was tranced, I followed him. Taking me to some building ruins or something. Watta? I thought for a moment that this must be some ill-willed guy who will demand for my wallet and celfone when he's built his borders. He was all the while holding his celfone and ramming on the keypads. For a split second, I was sure he's a bad guy. I needed to run away and leave in an instant. I was snaking my eyes across the vicinity to confirm my fear. There was none though. He asked if I've a place of my own. Smiling under my breath, I said none. Before I realize he was asking me to come to my house and damn talk. I'm kind of bored... I need to talk, he said. Yeah right! I said that's impossible. He then asked me to go somewhere again.

Some good 50 feet away from where we were standing, he headed to some dark parts of the area. This time I braved it by asking him if he intends to mug me. He said, of course not... I only want to, errr... talk. Alright, I said, seems harmless. But I was still apprehensive of the whole thing. Not my cup of tea, I realized. I felt some sort of ruth or sympathy (don't wanna use the word pity) towards this person. I mean, he was there lurking somewhere in the dark recesses of the town, at 2 in the morning, trying to what? Talk with someone? Hell no.

I was at a possibly 6-foot distance behind him. He sitted at a stair step in front of an abandoned restaurant. He motioned me to sit beside him. But I hesitated. I told him I'm okay standing up. He kept on repeating that he only wanted to talk to me and get to know me blahs. I stayed standing in front of him. He reached his right hand and told me his name. I accorded a handshake and gave him my name too. He didn't let go of my hand. He was sort of pulling me to sit beside him. I resisted, managing to laugh a little about this whole crazy thing. I'm really okay standing. And besides I couldn't stay long, I told him. I had a long night, am a little dizzy and a little sleepy, I need to be home soon. He stared at me. He told me it'll only take 20 minutes to talk and so and so. Let's go talk now, I said. But he wanted me to sit. I don't like to sit. I'm just not in the mood for what might happen.

I better go, I told him. Tone resolute. I just offered my number, he took it. He said he'll stay there alone. Then I left. On my way home, I couldn't qualify what I was feeling as I walk past the sideways. Did I hurt the guy? I'm sure I did. He was ringing my phone the other night. After a few seconds, he cut the call. I wish him well.

for the first time...

2004-10-01T13:10:00.000+08:00

I'm off to Malate. Tomorrow night. Any suggestions dudes?

Update

Postponed sana for the Saturday after next. But just this morning tuloy na ulit! Tonight. Yey! Our company is throwing a small party later this afternoon for its anniversary celebration. Attend muna kami dun... then off we glide to the parteeeh district.

Yeapp tennister, it's so gonna be my first time. Feeling ko tuloy ako si JM sa Out. Hehe. Chuayjai and I are Malate-virgins. Hee!

Bels, Hobbit Hideaway? I'm sort of annoyed to anything hobbit as that's how I call my boss when he squeezes in to my nerve: a hobbit. Good heavens, he has resigned effective yesterday. Anyway going back to the hobbit place, I am no billiards or darts guy but we'll see, the glass window overlooking the performers seems nice. We'll try to drop by. Thanks Bels.

Garppp, Bocobo's Cognac, hmmm. Be checking that out. Drinking in the streets sounds fun. Try namin. Heck with the cops. Haha. Thanks garpppy garppp.

Boi_bitch, did you just say pretty boys? Where where where? Since it will be my first time there, I'll try to bring home my souvenir. Or souvenirs. Thanks dude.

Peej, I happen to be looking for all of that. Drinks, dancing and guys. Hehe. But I don't think I'm up for the PWU types of guys. Hehe. Bocobo, Neutral Grounds and Bed will be on the itinerary. Wink. Thanks a lot, Peej. Takot ako mangimbayt, newbie lang ako e. Baka iligaw nyo ko. Hehe. Aight, expect an update next week. Pramis!

Angelo, first time indeed! I will have fun. I need to. I see this is going to be a full-packed night for me and my company. Dami namin pupuntahan. Hehe. I'm adding Komiks and Breton now to my list. Sana lang we'll have enough money and energy to satiate us. Thanks angelo.

I'm scribbling all those places' names on the archives of my celfone. Teehee.

To all of you brothers, salamat sa mga suggestions at sa suporta. Drama! I want tonight to be nothing short of fun and good time. With your words guys, it's half-fulfilled.

one sunday night mass and a nice, nice feeling.

2004-09-28T14:23:00.000+08:00

Sunday night mass.

You sit beside a girl sporting a skimpy maong skirt. Of course you don't bother. You give the most unmalicious of glances a queer can provide.

The girl, with the air of harassment screaming out her face, asked, in whispers, her guy friend to sit between her and you.

Good omens!

The guy friend. He's cute.

You will hate the assuming skimpy skirter for the nerve to wear such on a mass and acting oh-everyone's-getting-horny-'cause-of-me kind of crap! Oh puhleease! But you will love her to her roots for blessing you with a looker rubbing shoulders with you while listening to the homily.

And those constant glances he throws your side! Him looking at you when you're looking the other way. And you snagging a shot of him when he's fixated somewhere else. You just thank the Lord for the nice, nice feeling. Har!

So! All the girls in the world please sport your most horn-growing tops and skirts, tag your good boys along, go to the mass and assume that all men species (including queer ones) are hitting on you!

And you think you know well enough girls? *Choked chuckle* You have no idea!

the curbside phophet.

2004-09-25T11:22:00.000+08:00

But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me
- You and I Both

Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
Ain't no thing. I can be lugubrious with you.
I got no ifs ands ors no wits or whats about it
But this place is getting crowded and my house is two blocks away
Or maybe closer
- I'll Do Anything

Oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
Recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
Going nowhere but for us, nowhere but for the two of us
And we knew it was time to take a chance here
And time to compromise our lives for awhile
- Sleep All Day

Would it take a bakers dozen to get my point to you?
Would it take a half a pound to roll a joint for you
Would it take some hailing marys so full of grace to get my sound to you
Will you help me break it down and get on thru
- No Stopping Us

Hankpank tilts his vintage cap sideways a-la-Mraz.

like good oldtime buddies.

2004-09-22T08:10:00.000+08:00

"Tayong dalawa lang sana maglalaro kaya lang di ka naman puede, next time na lang."

Then there was a voice emanating from my internal organs Fuck! Sayang! Your chance! Your chance! The badminton buddy, it was he who texted that. Oh how the universe conspires indeed! This guy's a real flirt. So I flirt back.

"Ganun ba? Sayang pala. Sige next time I'll make sure na puede na ko."

So my head turned to daydream mode. Fast forward to that next time, good time. We're meeting at around 7pm. Awkward, knowing smiles are exchanged. With butterflies inhabiting my midsection, I manage a hi, hello. Then hel goes, bihis na tayo! My mind throws Oh boy, you're clicking the right buttons. We then hit the shower area. Put down our things. He takes off his shirt. Slowly. Like we're following a script. I play and pretend like I'm breathing normally, when all of me is throbbing. Shirt's now off. Mine too. I braved to steal a shot of him shirtless. The scene numbs my brain. I hint a grin on his face. And I grin back. He knows. Whatever he knows, he knows.

With such stupid grins on our faces, we headed to the court and sweat it all out. Smashing the cock, that is. The shuttlecock. And I think to myself that he's the sexiest badminton player I've ever seen in my entire fucked up life.

Afterwards, I got us two iced tea energy bottles we both love drinking after our games. We're needing that more than any other time. He twists the cap open and I watch him gulp the bottle out. Imagining how lucky the molecules of that liquid are to be able to come inside him. They must be jumping head over heels in glee as they slide down his throat. Curse those molecules! Now Physics makes sense.

Then we packed up. Head back to the shower room. Now the butterflies multiplied a millionfold. Our shirts soaking wet. And so is every skin on my body. I hear dub-dubs from my chest echoing from the insides of my ears. I think I'm getting crazy. Inside the shower room, I break again the uneasy silence between us and ask him if he needs to go home right away. Now I'm talking. Then he sport yet another deliberate smile, his eyes glowing before he answers:

'Di naman, okay lang.

Followed by the necessary:

Bakit?

Pointlessly rummaging into my gym bag, I said:

Walang lang, baka lang gusto mo lumabas... inom tayo.

Then it's no longer just a discreet smile, now it's a bigger smile. Almost a chuckle. What? C'mon let's have a good time, let's get you drunk and let's see what happens next! Thinking he's dismissing the idea, I frowned and fiddled more inside my bag and reached for the cologne for some splashing. To my surprise, he went:

Sa'n tayo?

I lit up like a candle in the midst of a blacked out town.

Shoot! Name it!

We left the place, paid the bills and left the place. As we step out of the door, I feel his right arms semi-circling my shoulder. His right hand resting on my right shoulder, slightly touching my jaw. Then my eyes will motion to that rested hand, I flanked my head too and try to snuffle any hint of the sweat left. There is and it's intoxicating. And as I look at his face, at a proximity we've never shared before, he has not, for the first time, the slightest ambience of uneasiness. Then a weird feeling dawned in me. I didn't like it but it's getting the better of my system. As I still look at his face, while he enjoys the splurge of wind against his now refreshed skin, I knew it. Yes. Strange but I feel that we've suddenly got a connection. I suddenly saw him in a different light. I still so wanted to get laid with him but there is more to him than that now. Connection. The word repeatedly echoes in my head. This is something beyond physical. Something beyond lust.

Then I asked like almost a whisper, Hey nag-enjoy ka? His eyes are closed then, savoring perhaps the invigorating effect of the cool breeze on his once-drenched bod. He motioned his head to mine, looking me straight in the eyes. I see his soul through that pair of brown bedroom windows. He look serious. Sexy serious. Then he opened his lips and flashed me the most assuring and the most heartdrowning smile I've ever seen. He's a smile-man. He did enjoy. He need not say it.

Then, as though it's a scheme, we both looked straight our direction. We both closed our eyes as we feel the gushing of the highway air. I opened my eyes and looked at the surroundings. The roads are almost empty with only occasional drag-racers spreading freaking noise pollution around the neighborhood. But things around seem to make perfect, harmonious sense. With him. Then my eyes ended up on him. His eyes are still closed. He sure looks hot. He wet his lips with his tongue. His hair flown by the wind. This guy. Effortless god.

I lifted my right arms and ravel it up his shoulder. With his arms on my shoulder and mine on his, we spanned the rest of the sidewalk to the nearest bar for a drink or two. Like good oldtime buddies. Wow.

Poof! Hankpank wakes up from his daydream.

shhh... don't tell anyone.

2004-09-17T13:16:00.000+08:00

I chanced upon a DVD copy of this last night as I detoured the mini-Quiapo 'round my place. Not like my usual DVD buys, I ever-so-immediately loaded it for a spin after I did my pre-bed rituals. Normally my DVDs run a compulsory heating procedure on my shelf before they I watch them. Anyway...

There were parts of the movie that drove me to thinking it is my movie. The miserable teenager, struggling to be straight, thinking something is so sinfully wrong with himself and that his problem is curable ... is just so very me. Well, years ago that is. Then, I thought it's a curse or something along that line. I was even watching Oprah and take notes of things on endless self-help and psychology dramatics that John Gray and Phil McGraw tirelessly exhort. Damn was I desperate to be straight then! Kakatawa.

Only when the screen was flooding with pots and cokes did I realize Nah this ain't me! Yeah, marijuana and cocaine were as pervasive on the screen as the main character was.

Like Santiago Magill (he's the cute main guy) in the movie, I (and I say maybe most if not all those who thrive inside the closets) too blame it on their critical parents and society, which happen to be the same society that taught the parents to shun homos. But assessing how things are going around, people I guess are beginning to open their minds. Out is trendy. With the eventful advent of Out!, the show, and with the ballooning population of those who're already out there, we're seeing the light of day. But I won't out my self yet. I'll wait 'til the sun shines bright enough. I'll know it when it comes. It is fun to be out but it is never easy. Hey by out I don't mean turning into a fag, uh oh no!

Now about the movie again, Don't Tell Anyone was a good watch. Funny. Surprising or say shocking performances by the guy casts. Wonder if they're gay themselves. Hmm yeah erotic with steaming kissing scenes you'll only see on hetero-themed romances. Love it, hehe.

It will leave a smile stamped on your face after the last scene. Surely!

amazon.com

2004-09-16T16:55:00.000+08:00

Geeezzz, I've just placed my very first online purchase. They charge damn huge shipping and tax whatevers! Hope things'll turn out generally favorable.

radio blog and usher.

2004-09-11T09:24:00.000+08:00

Introducing... my radio blog. Hankpank motions theatrically to the top sidebar just across this post.

I came across with this discovery in one Usher site the other day when I was digging (lusting)the net for anything Usher - the subject of my most recent fantasies, say wet nights. Nyaha.

Usher can't be any hotter here.

I was actually looking for the If I Ain't Got You duet of Alicia Keys and Usher. Found it there waiting in the radio blog of that site above. I felt like a newborn seeing the light of the world for the first time both for discovering radio blog (plus the adrenaline pump to get my own for confessionsfromsomeboy) and fin'lly getting to listen to the astig interpretation of the song. Only I still can't find an MP3 of it so I can include it here in my own radio.

This is how the radio blog works. Pretty simple. Convert your MP3 into a certain RBS file through the converter that comes with the downloadable package. Do some color modifications to suit your layout. Put one directory of files in a webserver or in any free hosting server available everywhere in the net. Paste a very short code in your site template and voila, you're as good as done!

To use it just click on one song in the playlist, wait a while as it preloads and streams the song and jam with the muzak! Currently my radio cribs 3 tracks:

1. Shivaree - Good Night Moon > Part of Kill Bill Vol. 2's OST. Creepy, great beat song. I posted its lyrics some posts ago.

2. Hoobastank - Did You > A rock song with a rocking message! Roocckss!

3. Beck - Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime > This was the last song that played when the credits rolled up in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's a short song but it doesn't feel like it when plays. Good song from a good good movie.

Hope you enjoy my radio as much as I did!

DJ Hankpank signing off.

ain't that bad i guess.

2004-09-06T18:02:00.000+08:00

Yeah, after what seems to be eternity, I'm posting an entry. Whew, the past days were darn as toxic as any toxic waste any godammit American can leave our Subic bases. Overtime all week through. If that ain't hellish, I don't know what it is! But this is one hellish thing I love and enjoy. I sooo enjoy! You know why? Simple, I need extra money. I need to earn more. Reasons:

1. My card's max-ed out. Need to settle at least half so I can use it again. (I've a new card but I'm trying so hard it hurts not to use it yet.)

2. I've two loans (with the company) to square up. Wahh aaarrggghhh! This pains me good deal! Not to mention the driving lesson fee I'll also pay by salary deduction. Wish it leaves me 'nuff to pay my dues. Ahuhu.

Now this is hellish, real hellish feeling. Gasp.

Scramming towards some light, 'lemme speak of the things that shun ill spirits off me.

Tearjerker Movies.

I've seen The Notebook. Alone. Pathetic. 'Twas rather awkward to watch such a lovey doovey story alone. But forget about company, I enjoyed the movie so much. I was giggling and chuckling all through out. The first images instantly made me smile. Really smile wide. I was awestruck by the lake and the setting sun, and the rowing boat and the man on the boat (though I don't know yet who that man is). The place they shot the film at was exactly the way I visualized it when I read the book 3 years ago. Unbelievable. I was really like wooowww in the ducks scene. And when the old Noah narrated the I'm a man with common thoughts and I've led a common life, there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten... I too was narrating it to myself. Memorize ko yun sa book pa lang. Hehe. Tearjerker. I was in the verge of falling tears in a number of parts. But none fell. Good.

Another movie. The much-awaited Central Station. I watched it yesternight. And it left me feeling heavy. Like I was poked hard on the chest. Fernanda Montenegro was so convincingly great. As producer Arthur Cohn said in the commentary (included in the DVD), there were no special effects, no sex, no violence, the movie was plain human emotions in its sheerest form. And that enough captivates the audience. I felt so drawn to the characters that the thought of knowing that the film will end not so happy-ever-after made me breathe in distress. The director Walter Salles brags about using a lot of realistic as in true-to-life situations and scenes squeezed into the film. Most of them were the ones in the Central Station of Rio. Some if not most of the "letter stories" were actual stories of those people who wanted to be a part of the movie. They themselves spoke their lines. The screenplay had to be edited. They used as little as artificial light as possible so as not to lose the look and feel of the station. Some scenes were even shot using hidden cameras just so to capture the most realistic of sequences. Brilliant. Brilliant director. Brilliant cast. Powerful movie. Well, another tearjerker yeah.

Books.

I finished Paulo Coelho's bold and daring (intended redundancy) Eleven Minutes. I did not know Coelho can explore sex in such a graphic way, nah not pornographic kind of graphic but just graphic. It just seems to be very un-Coelho after The Alchemist, By the River Piedra, and Veronika Decides to Die. Unexpected. The book has its shining pages but there were dragging parts I've to say. Coelho appears to be beating around the bush when it comes to character development. To me, not his best work. To me, Veronika still rocks the harderst!

Now my eyes are on Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code's prequel by Dan Brown. What can I say, I'm hooked again. Smart thrills are really Dan Brown's forte! Adore him!

Badminton.

'Been three consecutive weekends since I began playing badminton again. And I'm loving the sweat, the sweeaaat!!! Haha. Two hot playmates, what can I ask for? Kidding aside, I'm doing this for myself too. Health reasons you know. We need it. So everybody, let's sweat! Lotsa ways!

And a new baby.

Life's still good to me.

moviefreak hat.

2004-08-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

Hat on.

This boy here is a moviebuff. Just so you know. But this boy's fondness of films started only this year. Late bloomer eh. This is the reason why I've been taking all the chances I've got to own and watch all the best movies my eyes and my wallet can stand. My quest for the best arthouse (or even good Hollywood) flicks started when I stumbled upon IMDB's Top 250 Best Movies of All-time. From then on, I've been digging bootleg DVD havens in Quiapo or in any other pppiracy-oriented business establishments (naks!). My heart jumps in glee and gratitude when I spot on the likes of Zatoichi (Takeshi Kitano), Spirited Away (Hayao Miyazaki) and Central Station (Walter Salles). Now let this boy share his own recent DVD fest.

21 Grams. Another riveting Sean Penn psychological suspense flick. The twist in the movie just blew me away from my bed while watching this. I don't know what's with Sean Penn's face but it's always unbelievably true human emotions he exudes. The powerhouse cast of Naomi Watts and Benicio del Toro made this movie build truly unforgettable characters. Salute to director Alejandro Gonzales Iñarritu for the seemingly impeccable masterpiece.

Hable Con Ella (Talk to Her). This has characters made to stick in your memory for a longer time. I watched it two weeks ago but I can still very well remember each of them. How their lives intertwined. Not to mention the movie's antics. Now what really made an indelible mark on my head is the song Cucurrucucu... Paloma. I was on the verge of falling tears when the song was sung in the movie. It's in Spanish but the translated words struck me, hit me here (directs forefinger to the chest). The next day, rushed to my computer and DLed the song. Director Pedro Almodovar IS one greatly talented (gay) man, that's to summarize.

Spirited Away. Definitely an adventure. The animation just takes you to the world it portrays. Hands down to the man behind every single aspect (story, animation, direction) in its creation: Hayao Miyazaki.

Jan Dara. Good cinematography. Beautiful photography. Great production design. Bad acting. Erotic. Oh I love the main guy here when he was 17 in the movie. It's a coming-of-age Thai movie.

Zatoichi. The much-celebrated Japanese film by Takeshi Kitano. Starring also himself as the believable blind samurai. You'll know he studied blind people to be able to pull off such performance. 'Twas a hilarious movie, with all the musical touches. And indispensable in any samurai film: gore and blood was all over the screen. It was good but I thought it was forgettable.

Lined up for the DVD spin are Under the Tuscan Sun and Central Station.

Hat off.

isn't she lovely?

2004-08-28T07:02:00.000+08:00

I'm proud to have been inside an airplane. On flight yeh of course. Bah, not so many people have been in one at the age of 21. ( I was that age then.) I was assigned to visit one of the company's dealers (some of the few things I thank my work for) to fix on some software. Destination: Cagayan de Oro City. Being the innocent hyperactive frustrated photographer (= moron) that I am, the digicam (which I only borrowed for that trip) was on shooting mode all throughout the course of the trip despite and in spite of the crew' s announcement that no electronic medium maybe 'on' while air-borne. Didn't ask for the window seat for nothing!

Now here are some of my aerial shots. I was really looking down the window to chance upon good photo possibilities. And guess what I found peeking under the clouds? Gasp. (Pardon, poor lighting.)

Lovely, isn't she?

headplay.

2004-08-27T07:50:00.000+08:00

This makes my MP3 player sound like a busted record. Been playing for the nth time since the other day. This song happens to be part of the Kill Bill Vol. 2 soundtrack. The words are a bit creepy and the beat sort of trances you into, erm, the similarly creepy Kill Bill volumes world.

Today. The only song in my playlist. Repeat button down.

Goodnight Moon
Shivaree

There's a nail in the door
And there's glass on the lawn
Tacks on the floor
And the TV is on
And I always sleep with my guns when you're gone

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand
When I'm all alone the dreaming stops
And I just can't stand

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe and then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home

Now goodnight moon
I want the sunIf it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

There's a shark in the poo
lAnd a witch in the tree
A crazy old neighbor and he's been watching me
And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall
Something's under the bed
Now it's out in the hedge
There's a big black crow sitting on my window ledge
And I hear something scratching through the wall

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out
And maybe i just hate to be all alone
Outside the door he followed me home

Now goodnight moonI want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say goodnight moon

crush and how the universe conspires for your favor.

2004-08-26T08:28:00.000+08:00

I've this shuttlebusmate crush. Your boy-next-door silent type. Noticed him already since my first days at work. But he's no to-die-for variety. Infatuation only on the riverside. Not on the main. So say I've been keeping two years of stolen stares and a couple of nights with him on my bed. Wake up, you're dreaming!

I've always thought he's straight. He is. And maybe he was just flirting whatever with me when one night, we went to where the magic is, Enchanted Kingdom. We got together 'cos 'twas a group victory celebration kinda thing. Sportsfest stuff. We had picture-takings of course. Groups. Solos. By 3s. By 2s. In a couple of by 3s, we were together. He will position himself somewhere in my back. Perverted me! It was not only once that he'll push his body too closely towards my back. His pecs pressing on my upper back. Like I bother. Get on, I thought to myself. But nothing more than that, just some knowing smile once in a while.

Next time we rubbed elbows was during the height of my badminton mania. He happened to be playing the sport too. We had a one-on-one. He invited me to have one. Badminton singles of course. And there were butterflies rouding my waist all the while.

And then last Saturday, after eons, he asked my number from a common friend. What have I done to deserve this? So he texted, asking me to hit the courts with him. Talk about more butterflies, a gazillion of them. How stupid of me to have left my racket in the office? Just when I can use it in my very favor, erm! But the universe, the universe conspires. He said he'll arrange so that I can borrow a racket from his friend. For some delusional minutes, I thought it was only he and I who'll play. Turns out, we're a handful. I got to borrow a racket, we played, that's all that happened. We talked but only chitchats. High tide killed the bonfire by the shore.

But we're playing again next Saturday. Patience is a virtue, hankpank! Hope the universe conspires further!

testing the mic.

2004-08-24T11:36:00.000+08:00

Welcome, hankpank, to your new haven of whatevers!

Wait, no, this ain't gonna be just your usual whatevers. You left your old nook for reasons (you don't want to further enumerate here), and one of those reasons (now you're giving in) is freedom. Say that again? Freedom. Don't you just adore this word!

Confessions. Freedom. Freedom of confessions. Wouldn't this be bloody? But really, who cares? That's what you've been wanting to escape your head (or mouth, whatever) all this time. To say to the world, who fucking care?!

Nobody.

Alright, I'm no unruly dude. It's just because the bomb inside me has just exploded. In fact, I'm your normal kinda guy who happens to have a not-so-normal life. Oh back up! I'm not gonna talk about cheesy stuff here, am I? And by the way, "normal" is seasonal. I, as need arises, cross the thin line of normality and insanity. You'll be witness to that.

During one outdoor breakfast...

coffee and...

hard bread. Mind can't think of other
words to describe the "hard"-ness.
Too hard, I didn't eat it. Pun intended!