Tuesday, September 28, 2004

one sunday night mass and a nice, nice feeling.

Sunday night mass.

You sit beside a girl sporting a skimpy maong skirt. Of course you don't bother. You give the most unmalicious of glances a queer can provide.

The girl, with the air of harassment screaming out her face, asked, in whispers, her guy friend to sit between her and you.

Good omens!

The guy friend. He's cute.

You will hate the assuming skimpy skirter for the nerve to wear such on a mass and acting oh-everyone's-getting-horny-'cause-of-me kind of crap! Oh puhleease! But you will love her to her roots for blessing you with a looker rubbing shoulders with you while listening to the homily.

And those constant glances he throws your side! Him looking at you when you're looking the other way. And you snagging a shot of him when he's fixated somewhere else. You just thank the Lord for the nice, nice feeling. Har!

So! All the girls in the world please sport your most horn-growing tops and skirts, tag your good boys along, go to the mass and assume that all men species (including queer ones) are hitting on you!

And you think you know well enough girls? *Choked chuckle* You have no idea!

Saturday, September 25, 2004

the curbside phophet.

But often times those words get tangled up in lines
And the bright lights turn to night
Until the dawn it brings
A little bird who'll sing about the magic that was you and me

- You and I Both

Or we can keep chilling like ice cream filling
We can cool in the gang if you'd rather hang
Ain't no thing. I can be lugubrious with you.
I got no ifs ands ors no wits or whats about it
But this place is getting crowded and my house is two blocks away
Or maybe closer

- I'll Do Anything

Oh what a lovely day to have a slice of humble pie
Recalling of the while we used to drive and drive here and there
Going nowhere but for us, nowhere but for the two of us
And we knew it was time to take a chance here
And time to compromise our lives for awhile

- Sleep All Day

Would it take a bakers dozen to get my point to you?
Would it take a half a pound to roll a joint for you
Would it take some hailing marys so full of grace to get my sound to you
Will you help me break it down and get on thru

- No Stopping Us

Hankpank tilts his vintage cap sideways a-la-Mraz.

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

like good oldtime buddies.

"Tayong dalawa lang sana maglalaro kaya lang di ka naman puede, next time na lang."

Then there was a voice emanating from my internal organs Fuck! Sayang! Your chance! Your chance! The badminton buddy, it was he who texted that. Oh how the universe conspires indeed! This guy's a real flirt. So I flirt back.

"Ganun ba? Sayang pala. Sige next time I'll make sure na puede na ko."

So my head turned to daydream mode. Fast forward to that next time, good time. We're meeting at around 7pm. Awkward, knowing smiles are exchanged. With butterflies inhabiting my midsection, I manage a hi, hello. Then hel goes, bihis na tayo! My mind throws Oh boy, you're clicking the right buttons. We then hit the shower area. Put down our things. He takes off his shirt. Slowly. Like we're following a script. I play and pretend like I'm breathing normally, when all of me is throbbing. Shirt's now off. Mine too. I braved to steal a shot of him shirtless. The scene numbs my brain. I hint a grin on his face. And I grin back. He knows. Whatever he knows, he knows.

With such stupid grins on our faces, we headed to the court and sweat it all out. Smashing the cock, that is. The shuttlecock. And I think to myself that he's the sexiest badminton player I've ever seen in my entire fucked up life.

Afterwards, I got us two iced tea energy bottles we both love drinking after our games. We're needing that more than any other time. He twists the cap open and I watch him gulp the bottle out. Imagining how lucky the molecules of that liquid are to be able to come inside him. They must be jumping head over heels in glee as they slide down his throat. Curse those molecules! Now Physics makes sense.

Then we packed up. Head back to the shower room. Now the butterflies multiplied a millionfold. Our shirts soaking wet. And so is every skin on my body. I hear dub-dubs from my chest echoing from the insides of my ears. I think I'm getting crazy. Inside the shower room, I break again the uneasy silence between us and ask him if he needs to go home right away. Now I'm talking. Then he sport yet another deliberate smile, his eyes glowing before he answers:

'Di naman, okay lang.

Followed by the necessary:


Pointlessly rummaging into my gym bag, I said:

Walang lang, baka lang gusto mo lumabas... inom tayo.

Then it's no longer just a discreet smile, now it's a bigger smile. Almost a chuckle. What? C'mon let's have a good time, let's get you drunk and let's see what happens next! Thinking he's dismissing the idea, I frowned and fiddled more inside my bag and reached for the cologne for some splashing. To my surprise, he went:

Sa'n tayo?

I lit up like a candle in the midst of a blacked out town.

Shoot! Name it!

We left the place, paid the bills and left the place. As we step out of the door, I feel his right arms semi-circling my shoulder. His right hand resting on my right shoulder, slightly touching my jaw. Then my eyes will motion to that rested hand, I flanked my head too and try to snuffle any hint of the sweat left. There is and it's intoxicating. And as I look at his face, at a proximity we've never shared before, he has not, for the first time, the slightest ambience of uneasiness. Then a weird feeling dawned in me. I didn't like it but it's getting the better of my system. As I still look at his face, while he enjoys the splurge of wind against his now refreshed skin, I knew it. Yes. Strange but I feel that we've suddenly got a connection. I suddenly saw him in a different light. I still so wanted to get laid with him but there is more to him than that now. Connection. The word repeatedly echoes in my head. This is something beyond physical. Something beyond lust.

Then I asked like almost a whisper, Hey nag-enjoy ka? His eyes are closed then, savoring perhaps the invigorating effect of the cool breeze on his once-drenched bod. He motioned his head to mine, looking me straight in the eyes. I see his soul through that pair of brown bedroom windows. He look serious. Sexy serious. Then he opened his lips and flashed me the most assuring and the most heartdrowning smile I've ever seen. He's a smile-man. He did enjoy. He need not say it.

Then, as though it's a scheme, we both looked straight our direction. We both closed our eyes as we feel the gushing of the highway air. I opened my eyes and looked at the surroundings. The roads are almost empty with only occasional drag-racers spreading freaking noise pollution around the neighborhood. But things around seem to make perfect, harmonious sense. With him. Then my eyes ended up on him. His eyes are still closed. He sure looks hot. He wet his lips with his tongue. His hair flown by the wind. This guy. Effortless god.

I lifted my right arms and ravel it up his shoulder. With his arms on my shoulder and mine on his, we spanned the rest of the sidewalk to the nearest bar for a drink or two. Like good oldtime buddies. Wow.

Poof! Hankpank wakes up from his daydream.

Friday, September 17, 2004

shhh... don't tell anyone.

I chanced upon a DVD copy of this last night as I detoured the mini-Quiapo 'round my place. Not like my usual DVD buys, I ever-so-immediately loaded it for a spin after I did my pre-bed rituals. Normally my DVDs run a compulsory heating procedure on my shelf before they I watch them. Anyway...

There were parts of the movie that drove me to thinking it is my movie. The miserable teenager, struggling to be straight, thinking something is so sinfully wrong with himself and that his problem is curable ... is just so very me. Well, years ago that is. Then, I thought it's a curse or something along that line. I was even watching Oprah and take notes of things on endless self-help and psychology dramatics that John Gray and Phil McGraw tirelessly exhort. Damn was I desperate to be straight then! Kakatawa.

Only when the screen was flooding with pots and cokes did I realize Nah this ain't me! Yeah, marijuana and cocaine were as pervasive on the screen as the main character was.

Like Santiago Magill (he's the cute main guy) in the movie, I (and I say maybe most if not all those who thrive inside the closets) too blame it on their critical parents and society, which happen to be the same society that taught the parents to shun homos. But assessing how things are going around, people I guess are beginning to open their minds. Out is trendy. With the eventful advent of Out!, the show, and with the ballooning population of those who're already out there, we're seeing the light of day. But I won't out my self yet. I'll wait 'til the sun shines bright enough. I'll know it when it comes. It is fun to be out but it is never easy. Hey by out I don't mean turning into a fag, uh oh no!

Now about the movie again, Don't Tell Anyone was a good watch. Funny. Surprising or say shocking performances by the guy casts. Wonder if they're gay themselves. Hmm yeah erotic with steaming kissing scenes you'll only see on hetero-themed romances. Love it, hehe.

It will leave a smile stamped on your face after the last scene. Surely!

Thursday, September 16, 2004


Geeezzz, I've just placed my very first online purchase. They charge damn huge shipping and tax whatevers! Hope things'll turn out generally favorable.

Saturday, September 11, 2004

radio blog and usher.

Introducing... my radio blog. Hankpank motions theatrically to the top sidebar just across this post.

I came across with this discovery in one Usher site the other day when I was digging (lusting)the net for anything Usher - the subject of my most recent fantasies, say wet nights. Nyaha.

Usher can't be any hotter here.

I was actually looking for the If I Ain't Got You duet of Alicia Keys and Usher. Found it there waiting in the radio blog of that site above. I felt like a newborn seeing the light of the world for the first time both for discovering radio blog (plus the adrenaline pump to get my own for confessionsfromsomeboy) and fin'lly getting to listen to the astig interpretation of the song. Only I still can't find an MP3 of it so I can include it here in my own radio.

This is how the radio blog works. Pretty simple. Convert your MP3 into a certain RBS file through the converter that comes with the downloadable package. Do some color modifications to suit your layout. Put one directory of files in a webserver or in any free hosting server available everywhere in the net. Paste a very short code in your site template and voila, you're as good as done!

To use it just click on one song in the playlist, wait a while as it preloads and streams the song and jam with the muzak! Currently my radio cribs 3 tracks:

1. Shivaree - Good Night Moon > Part of Kill Bill Vol. 2's OST. Creepy, great beat song. I posted its lyrics some posts ago.

2. Hoobastank - Did You > A rock song with a rocking message! Roocckss!

3. Beck - Everybody's Gotta Learn Sometime > This was the last song that played when the credits rolled up in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It's a short song but it doesn't feel like it when plays. Good song from a good good movie.

Hope you enjoy my radio as much as I did!

DJ Hankpank signing off.

Monday, September 06, 2004

ain't that bad i guess.

Yeah, after what seems to be eternity, I'm posting an entry. Whew, the past days were darn as toxic as any toxic waste any godammit American can leave our Subic bases. Overtime all week through. If that ain't hellish, I don't know what it is! But this is one hellish thing I love and enjoy. I sooo enjoy! You know why? Simple, I need extra money. I need to earn more. Reasons:

1. My card's max-ed out. Need to settle at least half so I can use it again. (I've a new card but I'm trying so hard it hurts not to use it yet.)

2. I've two loans (with the company) to square up. Wahh aaarrggghhh! This pains me good deal! Not to mention the driving lesson fee I'll also pay by salary deduction. Wish it leaves me 'nuff to pay my dues. Ahuhu.

Now this is hellish, real hellish feeling. Gasp.

Scramming towards some light, 'lemme speak of the things that shun ill spirits off me.

Tearjerker Movies.

I've seen The Notebook. Alone. Pathetic. 'Twas rather awkward to watch such a lovey doovey story alone. But forget about company, I enjoyed the movie so much. I was giggling and chuckling all through out. The first images instantly made me smile. Really smile wide. I was awestruck by the lake and the setting sun, and the rowing boat and the man on the boat (though I don't know yet who that man is). The place they shot the film at was exactly the way I visualized it when I read the book 3 years ago. Unbelievable. I was really like wooowww in the ducks scene. And when the old Noah narrated the I'm a man with common thoughts and I've led a common life, there are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten... I too was narrating it to myself. Memorize ko yun sa book pa lang. Hehe. Tearjerker. I was in the verge of falling tears in a number of parts. But none fell. Good.

Another movie. The much-awaited Central Station. I watched it yesternight. And it left me feeling heavy. Like I was poked hard on the chest. Fernanda Montenegro was so convincingly great. As producer Arthur Cohn said in the commentary (included in the DVD), there were no special effects, no sex, no violence, the movie was plain human emotions in its sheerest form. And that enough captivates the audience. I felt so drawn to the characters that the thought of knowing that the film will end not so happy-ever-after made me breathe in distress. The director Walter Salles brags about using a lot of realistic as in true-to-life situations and scenes squeezed into the film. Most of them were the ones in the Central Station of Rio. Some if not most of the "letter stories" were actual stories of those people who wanted to be a part of the movie. They themselves spoke their lines. The screenplay had to be edited. They used as little as artificial light as possible so as not to lose the look and feel of the station. Some scenes were even shot using hidden cameras just so to capture the most realistic of sequences. Brilliant. Brilliant director. Brilliant cast. Powerful movie. Well, another tearjerker yeah.


I finished Paulo Coelho's bold and daring (intended redundancy) Eleven Minutes. I did not know Coelho can explore sex in such a graphic way, nah not pornographic kind of graphic but just graphic. It just seems to be very un-Coelho after The Alchemist, By the River Piedra, and Veronika Decides to Die. Unexpected. The book has its shining pages but there were dragging parts I've to say. Coelho appears to be beating around the bush when it comes to character development. To me, not his best work. To me, Veronika still rocks the harderst!

Now my eyes are on Angels and Demons, The Da Vinci Code's prequel by Dan Brown. What can I say, I'm hooked again. Smart thrills are really Dan Brown's forte! Adore him!


'Been three consecutive weekends since I began playing badminton again. And I'm loving the sweat, the sweeaaat!!! Haha. Two hot playmates, what can I ask for? Kidding aside, I'm doing this for myself too. Health reasons you know. We need it. So everybody, let's sweat! Lotsa ways!

And a new baby.

Life's still good to me.